Dear Lord, we beseech thee to watch over and protect our sons and daughters in Iraq as they go about their duty killing and maiming your enemies.

We ask you to smite the un-American protesters of this Just War.

Please, Lord, we beg you, give your chosen crusader George W. Bush wisdom.

Give him courage to take this battle to all bastions of evil.

May the war in Iraq be the first battle of the War of Armageddon; and may Washington, D.C. become your citadel of Christendom and the beacon of the Savior.

God, let our children be your instrument of destruction.

Give our kids the fire-power and courage to destroy the Evil ones and their Islamic minions.

We ask that you bless the souls of those young Americans who have given their lives while killing for You and Your Son.

We know that you have gladly accepted these killers for Christ into Heaven.

Give us the ability to eradicate false prophets and doctrines and to silence all dissenters of the Truth.

Show no mercy on our cowardly ex-allies and pathetic ex-friends as they know not what they do and refuse to see it your way.

Please watch over our sluggish stock market and protect the vital oil fields which fuel your way of life.

Our only wish is for peace on Earth, one planet under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all believers of your son Jesus Christ our Lord.

May peace be with us and bless America, Britain, Spain, Bulgaria, Romania, Botswana and the other states who support your war; and send the rest to hell.

And lastly, Father, let this war be quick and decisive so we can resume our regular TV schedule.

In the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, who would be conscientiously precision-bombing Iraq if he were here.

Amen.