You have been selected by our staff of expert sexual technicians to participate in an ongoing experiment of great importance to all fornicators everywhere!

Simply order fifty (50) items or more from our catalogue and you will be placed on our "sex-crazed zombie" list which entitles you to an expense-free round-trip to our facilities in Carrboro, NC where our luscious nymphs will work you over with many of the products advertised in our catalogue until you scream for mercy. This session will be video-taped and personally studied in my private office... repeatedly. If I feel that you performed up to snuff you will be invited to be my special guest upon my private yacht, THE ATLANTIC PHALLUS, for a week of advanced experimentation with no strings attached!