It has been brought to my attention that your Video Arts Department is casting for your semester project LIFE IN PAGOSA. I have read the script and find it quite well written but a little lacking in plot and in character development.

I have been working in "The Industry" for many years and have recently retired to Pagosa Springs after a tragic accident on the set that left me completely impotent - except in cases of extreme sexual excitement. I have starred in such box-office hits as CORNHOLE CRAZY!, co-starring Mr. John Holmes. It's the timeless story of a man who finds himself in a wildly compromising position and is forced to re-evaluate his manhood. In 1978 I played the part of Stubby in the touching STUBBY GETS SOME TAIL, a wonderful film about a boy, his dog and his bone. Cysthole & Eggbert gave me two thumbs up (but that's another story). More recently I directed the stunning WHOPPER!, an avant-garde movie about a young woman biting off a little more than she can chew. Larry Flint gave me a Full Erection!

With my directorial and acting experience, I'm sure I could turn your production into something completely unimaginable! Perhaps we could do lunch and I could show you my stuff. The sooner we can get together, the better! I'm looking forward to working with you and know I will do my darndest to satisfy you. Believe me, Ms. Schlonger, I'm really up for your piece!

Sincerely,


Huge Peter McDickfeast

P.S.

Did you happen to catch me in Stinky O'Tuna's, GIRLY BOY? I played the part of the schizophrenic Bippy. If you saw this piece I know you were impressed and I feel certain that you appreciate the attention that I devoted to my parts. THANKS!