The Laydown is not a full-service condo. Don't expect call girls. If your unit becomes dirty, you are expected to remove all smegma. Trash bags and shovels are provided. Before checkout, pick up girls, put drugs in trash bags and leave keys in on my scales. THERE IS A $10 FEE FOR ALL BLOW JOBS!

Check out is 10 a.m. If you stay past this time, I will chop off your nuts, your dicks and anything else hanging off you.

No pets are allowed at condo...only playmates. If you bring pets to the condo and have sex with them there will be a $75 fine for each ejaculation.

The condo is provided for band members only. If you bring extra people you are responsible for their disposal.

Most people at the Laydown work and sleep "regular hours". Please be quiet when you ransack their condos and rifle their cars. There are people next to you and below you: please feel free to use the peep-holes installed by me.

There are no crack-parties at the condo. If you want to party use only heroin and Tester's glue (syringes and baggies are provided). Absolutely no butt-crack!

Please have all phone calls directed to (900) BIG-TITS. Don't have people call the Laydown office. As I said, this is not a full-service motel: the girls in the office do NOT do nasty phone calls but will perform fellatio for a small service fee ($10 a load).

Please observe the posted hours of the massage-parlor.

Remember to clean up all rubbers before leaving. If the condo is left gooey, there will be a $75 cleaning fee charged to the band.

The Laydown is a very cool place to stay. The only way I can afford to keep the bands at the Laydown is if bands co-operate with the above rules. The management of the Laydown is anxious to see the bands naked. If you have any questions, contact the management of the Laydown or me at the massage parlor.



Owner
Farquahrts