THE BEAR CREEK SALOON & DANCE HALL
PAGOSA SPRINGS, CO 81147


RE: Unruly employee


Dear Mr. S,

Yesterday my friends and I were enjoying the Super Bowl game at your fine eatery/dancing/sports establishment. I had just consumed one of your huge Super Bowl Burgers with a pound of red meat (plus jalapenos) when I had the urge to relieve myself.

I went to the men's facility and locked myself into the "toilet stall". After having an enormous bowel movement I had to take a look (I always check for size, color and smell of my stools). To my great amazement my stool was in the shape of the Virgin Mary!! I was astounded...it was a true miracle, she even had two jalapeno seeds for eyes! Surely this was a sign from God!

I rushed out of the stall without wiping and ran into one of your employees: a Joe, Jim, Janet, some man with a "J" name. I instructed him very firmly to guard the stall door with his life - I was emphatic! I managed to pull up my pants on the way to the bar to find you or one of your henchmen.

Unfortunately, the crowd was out of control due to Denver scoring yet another touchdown against the Braves. No one wanted to come and see my stool! It's not often a man has a religious experience of this magnitude (at least ten inches long!) and yet you and your staff laughed at me and continued guzzling beer.

By the time I got back to the Men's room this Joe guy had flushed my miracle. He threatened to throw me out of the club and said that I was "disgusting".

Well, sir, I will not step foot in your slimy dive ever again unless I get a written apology published in the PAGOSA SUN! Also, those of your staff who treated me so badly should be terminated at once. As for the man who flushed the Virgin Mary turd...he will face the wrath of God on Judgment Day!

Sincerely with regrets,



CAPT. RUMBELLY