For a man, I can wrap a present quite nicely, thank you very much. The one I'm working on now is a dandy! The actual gift is laid out on fancy tissue paper and carefully placed in a nice black shoebox. Also in the box is a sweet card with my special thoughts for the recipient. I used beautiful paper that my wife had left over after wrapping a big wedding gift. Then I dug into the Christmas stuff and found a huge gold bow and some gold ribbon. This present is way too important to entrust to the Post Office...so I'm going to hand-carry it myself!

Why would I go to all this trouble? Well, I'll try to be brief.

I have one of the greatest dentists of all time. Not only does Dr. Lemon do completely painless work, but he is also a nice guy. He has a really posh office in Highland Park in the middle of Dallas. He spent a lot of dough on decorating the place. He also has a fantastic-looking receptionist and a very cute assistant!

Yesterday morning I went to Lemon’s office to have my gold crown put in. Last appointment he made a mold and put in a temporary crown. The real crown was ready and all he had to do was put some orthodontic cement on it and pop it right in. Sounds simple, doesn't it?

I sat down in the big dental chair. He adjusted it up and put me parallel to the floor. The assistant stuck the suction device in my mouth and then the good doctor gave me a shot - didn't feel a thing. After a few minutes my mouth was numb. Dr. Lemon quickly removed the temporary crown and proudly showed me the new one. It was shiny and very large. It was intended for my rear molar on the left side.

I watched his eyes as he started to place the hunk of gold in my mouth. Suddenly, I saw panic in those eyes! He gasped and I felt something down in my throat. I sat up in the chair and tried to hack it up, but it was too late - I had swallowed it!

Dr. "Butterfingers" stood up, did an about face and marched right out of the room without saying a word. His assistant smiled and said nervously, "Sometimes these things happen." Then she, too, left the room.

I was kind of in shock: I was angry and amazed at the same time. Finally he came back in and apologized profusely. He told me that in over twenty years of practice that had never happened. He then put the old, temporary crown back in.

What he said next really didn't sink in - until later. He asked me to check for the crown after my next couple of bowel movements! He said, "These things always show up in the stool. If you take a knife and fork and a paper plate you'll be able to find it without too much trouble." In fact, he said to keep on checking until I did find it. Bring it in and he would put it where it belonged.

Well, today I had a large bowel movement and gave birth to a beauty! But the thought of meticulously slicing up that "big boy" made me sick to my stomach. It also infuriated me! I figured that since he was the one who made the mistake in the first place, then perhaps he should do the dirty work.

Well, all I have to do now is Scotch Tape the pretty gold bow on this present and it's ready for delivery. I hope Doctor "Clumsy" appreciates my little gift...well, not so little, actually.